New Life, New Memories
by ginnythefangirl
Summary: Was Mary able to keep her pregnancy a secret from Matthew? Could she be a good mother to her child after the Pamuk incident? What if Mary never told Matthew what really happened in the night when Pamuk died? Some plots of 3x05 are used. New chapters will be added soon.
1. Chapter 1

After receiving the shocking news from Doctor Clarkson, "I am not pregnant." Mary repeatedly said that several times in her room when nobody's around. It's not that she didn't want to get pregnant, everything just happened so fast. It was only the third month since their return from the honeymoon.

She doubted that she possessed all the qualities that one looked for in a competent mother, or even a good wife. Ever since the incident which Pamuk died in her bed, she never thought that she could be the right woman for Matthew. She blamed herself for what happened that night. That night was totally a nightmare to her.

She was very hesitant in deciding whether she should talk to Matthew about the pregnancy. At last, she made up her mind and decided to conceal her pregnancy for the moment and tell Matthew later.

One night after dinner, Mary and Matthew were in their room. Matthew was reading some papers from the office on his desk and Mary was lying on the bed. Both of them seemed a bit tired and sleepy. Matthew noticed that she looked very pale. He stood up from the chair and walked towards the bed.

"How are you feeling, my darling? You don't seem very well" Matthew asked after her. Mary remained silent. She couldn't part her lips and speak even one word. She wanted to tell Matthew what's really going on, but when she thought about that night, she just couldn't say anything. Then there was a long silence in the room. Matthew hated the awkward silence, finally he managed to say something.

"Why are you not talking? Is something wrong, darling? Please talk to me."

Mary still didn't answer him. Matthew became suspicious of Mary's peculiar behavior. And he said, "Are you hiding something from me?" Even Matthew couldn't believe that he actually said those words, but then he saw that drops of tear ware running down his wife's face…


	2. Chapter 2

"Why are you crying, my darling? Did I upset you in any way?" Matthew panicked when he saw Mary started to sob.

"I'm perfectly fine, Matthew. It's just that I have a really bad headache. That's all." She tried to pretend to act normal, which was very successful.

"Well then. I should leave you to your sleep. Rest well, my darling" Matthew smiled while walking away from the bed.

It was a shiny day, and yet there's a drizzle outside the window. Mary woke up in Matthew's strong and muscular arms. She felt like a vulnerable child that needed protection. She's always the one who needed his protection. She turned to him when she has worries in her mind. She asked for his help when she's facing tough situations. But this time, she could not resort to him, not now. Not for the next month, at least. She still couldn't bear the thought that she's going to be a mother, the mother of Matthew's child.

She saw Matthew slowly opening his eyes, she said "Morning, Matthew." "Morning to you too, darling" Matthew politely greet his stunning wife. "I have to go to the office today. There's some paper work that needs to be taken care of." "You seemed so busy these days." Mary softly uttered the words which were barely audible to Matthew. "I'll have Anna bring you some breakfast on my way downstairs." "Thank you, Matthew. I don't know what my life would be without you always taking care of me." A weak smile appeared in her face. Then, Matthew left the room.

He does not deserve to be lied to, Mary thought, but she doesn't want him to find out about her being pregnant, not when she herself wasn't ready for all of this-being a mother, raising a child with Matthew, everything.

Just when she was indulging herself with her little thoughts, Anna came in with a tray full of food. Mary really needed some company right now. She wanted somebody to talk with, and to share her mind with. Anna was about to leave Mary alone and return downstairs.

"Wait, Anna. Stay here for a while, could you? I really need someone to talk to. Please?" Mary pleaded.

"Of course, milady." Anna smiled as she usually did in return, a smile that made Mary feel reassuring.

"Anna, I'm very serious about what I'm going to tell you, you understand?"

Anna nodded, and Mary continued.

"I'm pregnant. But I do not want Matthew to know, now." Mary tried to lower her voice so that no one else could hear. Anna was so shocked that she might scream because of joy and excitement. "Why don't you want to tell Mr. Crawley about your condition, milady? I'm sure he will be over the moon after hearing this." "Because I'm not prepared for this, truly I am not." Then she sent Anna downstairs, feeling a bit regretful for telling Anna the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

Mary was easily fatigued than before stemming from her pregnancy. Just when she was about to fall asleep, the evening dressing gong rang. She cannot go back to her nap but to wake up and have Anna assist her in dressing herself. That evening was humid and sultry. Anna got Mary a red cocktail dress. Mary looked at herself in front of the mirror. Her belly began to show. People could notice her baby bump if they looked closely. She panicked.

"Anna, may I have a cape please?" Mary asked politely.

"Sure milady." Anna was very curious about why Mary asked for a cape. Is it about the pregnancy? She thought. She wanted to ask, but it's very rude so she just kept this thought to herself.

Everyone was in the dining room and they all wore thin clothes because of the warmth near the fireplace. Mary was the only one with a cape.

"What's the matter? Why are you wearing your cape? Do you feel cold in here?" Matthew asked Mary with his sensitive voice. Mary hated Matthew caring for her when she had some shocking news hidden from him. She knew it was not right, but she still didn't have the courage to tell Matthew everything.

When I tell Matthew what really happened that night, Mary thought, he'll never forgive me. Matthew did not know about the truth. It's not the time to tell him yet, Mary figured.

"I think I might have caught a cold last night. It's winter after all." She gave him a comforting smile because he looked very worried.

After finishing their dinner, everybody had gathered in the library as usual, except Mary and Cora. Mary wanted to have a conversation with her mother about the pregnancy, a new life growing inside her body.

"Mama, I'm afraid that Matthew will hate me for not telling him about this. And what happened that night with the late Mr. Pamuk." Mary started to sob.

"He won't, dear. You're his wife and you're carrying his child. As for the Pamuk incident, Matthew knew what he needed to know. Don't be scared." Cora soothed her daughter.

What they didn't know, was that Matthew, who intended to take some papers from his room, was standing outside the room, listening to their whole conversation.

A mix of emotions was dancing in Matthew's head. He's glad that his wife was pregnant, and that they're going to be parents, but his mind was filled with doubts about something related to Mr. Pamuk. Then he knocked on the door. The two women inside the room were startled frightened. They hoped in their hearts that whoever was outside the room, didn't hear a word they'd just said to each other.

Cora opened the door and found that Matthew was standing outside the room in shock. "Please do come in, Matthew. I'll just leave the room to you two." Cora then left the room.

Mary didn't know how to face Matthew now that he knew she's pregnant. No more excuses to be made.

"So did you hear everything? Do you hate me for hiding this from you?" Mary desperately needed to hear his answers.

"Of course not, darling. We're having a child together! Isn't it wonderful?" Matthew was clearly very pleased, and happier than any man in the world.

"Apart from me being pregnant, there's something more I'd like to let you know." Mary decided that was the time to tell him everything. She wasn't sure if he would get angry once he heard about it.

After telling him the whole story about what really happened that night when Kemal Pamuk died in Downton, there was a blank look on Matthew's face. Mary wasn't sure if he was mad or anything. She just wished that he wouldn't loathe her forever.

"How could you do this to me? I loved you, and I still do." Matthew uttered those words.

After saying what he said, he stormed out of the room. All he could hear when he was rushing downstairs was the cry of Mary, his wife who's no longer truthful to him.


	4. Chapter 4

After Mary's shocking revelation that night, Matthew had decided to stay with his mother Isobel for a few days. He's still angry with her. She did hide something from him for such a long time. This was a mistake he could never forgive her for.

Mary was lying on the bed alone. She was so not used to be alone, not after she wedded Matthew. He was always there for her, always. Not having Matthew besides her terrified her. What if he'd never love me like he did? Mary thought. "He'd hate me for eternity." Mary actually said it out loud, but thanks to the thick door, nobody's able to hear it, nobody knew about what was going on with them, except Cora.

Mary dreamt about that night again. She saw how Pamuk courted her few years back. Mary had laid eyes on a young and handsome Turkish diplomat and she's smitten with him. The Turk seemed to like Mary as well. After only a few days of their encounter, the Turk proposed to Mary, which was a total shock to her, and she didn't tell Matthew this part of the story because she knew that Matthew would loathe for accepting another man's courtship. Mary thought this was the reason why he reacted so madly.

Another day without Matthew on her side. She woke up in her bed, watching Anna opening the blinds so that the sunlight could go into the room. "Good morning, Anna." Mary greeted Anna as Matthew wasn't here to be greeted.

"Morning, milady." Anna greeted Mary back with a big smile on her face. "Would you prefer to have breakfast here or downstairs, milady?" "Bring the food up please." Mary pretended everything was fine, but Anna knew better. She figured that something happened between Matthew and Mary and that had damaged their relationship in some ways. She didn't dare to ask, so she left the room.

When Anna reappeared in Mary's room, she's holding a trayful of food. After Anna's put down the tray on Mary's bed, Mary only took a small bite of the toast. Anna noticed that Mary's face was as white as a sheet.

"Are you alright, milady? You seem a little sick." Anna asked Mary concernedly.

"I believe it's just morning sickness because of the fact that I'm pregnant." Mary was so tired that she didn't have more energy to speak more.

"Should I inform Mr. Crawley of your condition?"

"No, please don't. I'm sure this is not something that's in his great interest now."

"What happened?" Anna knew it's wrong to ask but she just couldn't help it anymore. Something was worrying Mary. She was like a sister to her.

"It's about Pamuk." Mary disclosed that one thing which was bothering her so much.

Anna was so astonished that she couldn't believe her ears. A secret which she thought was buried under the ground had been dug up again…


	5. Chapter 5

One night after the supper, Mary gathered her family in the drawing room, wanting to make an announcement about her pregnancy. Everyone was there, but no signs of her husband. She was extremely disappointed. Then, she started talking.

"Um… I'm going to say something that may be a little shocking to everybody."

"What might that be, my girl?" Robert asked.

Mary was a bit hesitant but then she parted her lips and revealed the news.

Her whole family couldn't be happier. Two pregnant ladies in the family, what a wonderful thing!

"I'm happy for you, Mary. And congratulations!" Sybil couldn't hide her joy and rushed to hug Mary.

"Be careful, my dearest sister. You're pregnant!" Mary smiled at Sybil and then she stared at Sybil's huge belly. She couldn't help herself but wonder what she would look like when she's nine months pregnant.

"It's late and I think everyone should go to bed before the pregnant ladies get worn out." Cora urged everybody to go upstairs.

Mary slowly walked to her room. She lay on her bed and gazed at the empty side of the bed. Looks like Matthew is not coming back tonight, she thought. She feared that Matthew would still be mad at her when the baby arrived. Her eyes gradually closed. Perhaps she was too tired as she kept hoping that Matthew would come around her room. She felt asleep in just a few short minutes, with the lights still switched on.

In the middle of the night, someone entered Mary's room. Mary heard the noise and woke up. All she saw was Matthew, the man she loved so much, standing right beside her. Mary was shocked. She didn't know how to react or what to say. She was so happy that he came. His appearance in her room was very reassuring. Matthew then stepped forward and gently kissed her on her forehead.

"Why are you here? I thought you hate me." Mary was very surprised that he kissed her. She thought that he was upset with her because of what happened between her and Pamuk.

"Don't be silly. I don't hate you. I love you. I love you more than everyone else in the world."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because you're still my wife." Matthew answered her question with a big grin on his face.


End file.
